Mother

On the ship of life it is hard for me to be at the helm

when all I feel inside is a sense of dread and overwhelm.

How suddenly the situation changes and turns itself to rot.

I wonder if these future plans we've made are all for naught?

Guilt about things I shouldn't have said or should have done

tend to crowd out all the happy memories full of peace and fun.

It is easy to shift the blame to those who I thought could help,

but only as a fill-in for when my anger is not directed at myself.

There is a sense of emptiness that only your presence can fulfill.

Please wake me from this nightmare because I pray that it's not real.

It is these types of thoughts that one might be inclined to think,

when on the precipice of life we are brought right upon the brink.

But she has taught me that in order for one to have respect for the dead,

they should give up all the grieving and express their happiness instead.

So now I can truly embrace her being in a celebration of all her life,

and express my gratitude for her freedom from worldly pain and strife.

I know that for us to communicate I must merely still my mind,

because thinking is an action and transcends all of space and time.

My heart is filled with hope that our family will again become complete,

as assuredly as within the morning it seems as if the sun and sky do meet.

So now I can allow myself to be open enough to let your soul be free,

because if everything in reality be One, then you are always next to me.

♥